A good internet friend had his birthday this week. I was reminded via facebook. I sent him my birthday wishes, and asked him if he had any plans to celebrate.
I was a bit surprised when I received a message from his wife saying that he had passed away over a month ago. More than surprised. It hit me like a tonne of bricks.
I had first met Neal Puddephatt during the early days of the facebook group I started over 5 years ago, Anime Figurines Network. Back then, “the originals” included Lightningsabre, Shinohai, Coros, Valiant Ho, and a few others.
I had originally started AFN as an alternative “outlet” to the freshly started figure.fm, since figure.fm lacked a lot of functionality and features that a facebook group had. The membership grew at a slow and steady pace, which was perfect, since it was a very personal clique of people.
Then came Neal. He was an otaku, just like the rest of us, but he had experiences that none of us had. He thought outside of the box. This was even before the days of kodomut.
One of the photos that I will always remember was this one. This was the first time I had see such brilliant thought and creativity put into a photo. Nothing like this had ever been seen on AFN, or figure.fm
Neal and I eventually became friends on facebook, though we never really had a lot of opportunities to chat about our personal lives outside of our otaku circles.
But every so often, he’d post a new photo on AFN.
And every time he did, it was something different…
Something special.
It was experimental, to say the least. But from each photo, powerful messages came across. I’m not certain whether or not it was what he was experiencing in his life, or if it was just a creative spark.
Nevertheless, I could tell that Neal had something going on. He had a breadth of creativity and variety, both in the types of figures he owned, and in the way he set up his photographs.
Sure, there are far more brilliant and well lit photos of anime figures out there. There will always be. But each of them are unique, like Neal’s photos.
All the photos shown in this post are his. I’ve taken them without his permission, and posted them here, as a remembrance to him.
Now that he’s gone, I wish I had spent more time with him. Earlier in the year, I had updated my website (my professional one), and announced it on my facebook. He had commented that “being a freelance artist is tough! I had freelanced for 15 years!”. I wanted to ask him about his life as a freelancer. I wanted to know more about his life then, the struggles he went through, and how he sustained it.
“I don’t really have time right now… I’ll ask him later.” that later never came, and it never will anymore.
I went through some of Neal’s photos on his facebook, and at least tried to learn more about the man who was.
I wish I could show you those photos, but I don’t think it would be good of me to do so without permission. But I can say, that this man looked like he really knew how to live life.
He seemed like a person that knew what mattered the most, and that was family, friends, and having a good time. (he liked to party, and seemed really connected to all of his family members and friends).
And then there’s his passion for anime figures. From his way of life, to this niche little interest, it seemed like polar opposites.
Breadth, I suppose. It shows in the variety of figures he owned, and the huge range of styles he attempted.
He was definitely a huge fan of Range Murata figures.
And Shunya figures.
I don’t know where he got this Range figure, but it’s very nice.
I’m sure my wife wouldn’t like me having it in the house, but the fact that he owns it shows how accepting his family is of his hobbies and interests.
That or he just tells them “this is the way I am, like it or too bad.” I can kinda see him saying that too. 🙂
DO like it. 🙂
All this makes me think about life and death as well. When I die, what will become of me? What will become of me. My possessions, my legacy, my family, everything that identifies me and makes me “me”.
Will I be remembered? Does that even matter? Does any of it matter?
Perhaps at that point, not anymore. But what does matter is what you do NOW.
If today was the last day of your life, is this how you would like to spend it? If not, then what would you do differently. Where would you want to be? What’s stopping you from getting there? How can you overcome those obstacles so that you can get there?
Ask yourself those questions. Answer them. And then go do it. NOW.
Time won’t stand still for you and wait for you. I think Neal figured that one out.
So long, space cowboy. It’s been real swell knowing you.
Read more!
Read more!
Makes me feel like I should spend more time getting to know people online, as life is waaaaaay too short for me to just put that all off.
I don’t know the guy, but I do feel a sense of camaraderie just based off of the photos I see. Is that odd?
Ah well, rest in peace, bro!
Yeah, I’ve been making a better effort of knowing some of the online friends I meet on a more personal level. There are those that comment once or twice and then leave, and those are the people that I need to reduce spending time on, and concentrate on the long-stay people, such as yourself (except you’ve cut off most social media channels now).
I think that sense of camaraderie comes from sharing similar interests, and maybe you’re able to identify with him in some way. So no, it’s not odd at all. 🙂
May the Force be with him, always…
/Bows
Oh this must have been a very important person for you to hit you like this indeed. It very sad to lose dear ones.
About your questions, since life didn’t come out as I expected (in all his faces and turns) I took the easy way: I look for pass the day as best thast can be and try to keep what makes me happy in my intimacy. I try to not think too much, I try to not ask too much, I try to not dream of reality too much. I ask little of life, since it gives so little. Sincerily, if I didn’t like this, I’ll suicide. I keep my mind free, I let it roam and in my everyday try to look ‘normal’.
Thanks for commenting, Mariana. I don’t know if he was really important to me, or more that he left an impression with me. I think that any life needs to be celebrated, and I especially thought Neal deserves it too.
I think that there’s a point in life where you have to stop shutting out your thoughts, acknowledge where you are, and no matter how depressing or how much it hurts, admit that it may not be where you want to be. It’s the only way to move towards your goals of where you ultimately want to end up.
RIP and Respects.
If those questions were on me, I won’t think if anyone else would notice. Actually, that was what I meant when I’ve fallen out of grace, with a lot of people actually.
So I’ll spend my remaining moments, struggling to sketch whatever comes to my mind until i can do no more.
It’s even worse when notable people have commented about my half-hearted artworks, and I end up having to fall out with them too because they have once noted of possible talent/potential in them and appeared too busy to communicate otherwise.
I thought I could identify with what you’re going through, but it seems that you’re going through tough times that I can’t imagine, so in a way, I don’t know what to say.
It’s important to acknowledge what you feel, and then do something about it. As generalized as that sounds, it’s definitely the truth. One thing’s for certain though, you can’t do it alone.
People come and go. There are many people that were frequent commenters on radiantdreamer, and they’ve up and vanished. I used to take that personally, but I’ve realized that people just move on sometimes, or they’re there, but they’re too busy to comment. I know the latter is true because I’m one of those. I still frequent my favorite blogs, and read my friends’ blogs, but don’t have the time to comment. I rarely have time to upkeep my own blog as it is. So I know some of them are still there, just like I am for them. That optimistic belief keeps me going as well.
I won’t really know if you can call them tough times.
But I’ll say this; When it becomes 2012, I’ll walk alone.
I wish you the best of luck, my friend. Call on me if you need anything, I’ll be here.
I can see Neal is really brilliant in his photography and have tons of figures. It is sad to hear such news and I am sadden only through this news I learned from such a creative photographer of figurines. May him rest in peace and comfort and blessing to his family.
I did not have the honour of knowing Neal, but his photos look amazing. If today were the last day of my life, I don’t think I would do anything different. I do what I like and that’s not going to change.
I’m glad you feel that you are where you want to be in life. That is the most important thing, in my opinion – being happy and content. “Living life to the fullest” doesn’t mean lots of traveling, seeing everything you possibly want to see, or whatever. It means to enjoy every moment of your life, no matter what you’re doing. If you wouldn’t do anything different, then that’s absolutely great! 😀
RIP.
Emotional post.
I am sorry to hear about your lost, unfortunately I never quite participated in facebook much until recently so I don’t know anything about your friend. Looking through some of the photos you have posted here made me wish I had acquainted with him.
Life can be as simple or as complicated as one who wishes it to be. To me, life is about managing your expectation and achieving your desired result; you should have no one to answer but yourself. I am a few years away from the big 40 now and I would say I have decided to live a otaku centric life instead of the stereotypical Chinese way of life e.g. getting married and have kids etc. In my recent trip back to HK, I notice most of my friends back in secondary school have changed quite a bit, a few of them have married etc, some of them have turned their otaku hobby into business such as running toy shop. I on the other hand, am probably the only one that hasn’t changed much, I am still very much in my otaku life styles; I refused to change because change isn’t necessarily better for me. I like to keep my life simple because I hate managing uncontrollable variables that can yield undesirable result. One would say nothing ventured, nothing gained; but as long as I am happy as I want to be, I am happy to be a fool. Ignorance is a bliss.
I’ve often told people who are trying to get somewhere, “The race is long, but in the end, it’s only with yourself.” and that most certainly agrees with what you’re saying. I suppose there should be a second part to it, as you’ve stated too. Most people want to get somewhere because they’re not happy where they are now. Sometimes, it’s because they compare themselves to others, which is when my saying comes into play – you should just focus on yourself, and whether you’re happy.
I think you and I are from the same generation, though we live quite different lives. But then that’s not really a bad thing either. It’s whatever makes you happy.
I probably have missed Neal by the time I have joined AFN back then. Looking at the figures he has taken pictures of he has been in this hobby much earlier than a lot of us. The way he sets up the pictures shows how he is very creative and tries to have the figures to interact well with the surroundings or the backgrounds, rather than just taking a picture of the figure by itself.
It’s a pity that a lot of readers like me will only know about him after he is no longer present. But maybe we should be thankful for such person has lived so that what he has left behind would get us to learn more about him, or rather what we can pick up from what he has left off. I wish all the best to him and his family.
Neal had been submitting photos throughout the 5 years he was a part of AFN. Every year, I’d nominate his photos, or he’d have some entries for the annual contest. I really wanted him to win with his Hakufu cleaning the Mini Cooper photo, but I guess the group was more interested in the standard/generic photos as a group profile picture.
You’re right about learning about him, and from him. We as a community will definitely continue his legacy as anime figure fans.
I remember seeing him around here and there, a few of those photos look quite familiar to me. But I never got to know him, unfortunately. I feel like there are quite a few people in the figure world I’d love to get to know on a more personal level, but I just skate around the outskirts and never actually truly become a part of the world that is blogging and collecting.
I do love my life though, and I make sure to live it like I want to. I could always do more, always do better things, but I’m comfortable where I’m at. The one thing that I’d regret, if I died today, is not having been able to move in with my boyfriend, though. That’s the goal that he and I have right now and we’re not near it just yet, but one day. And it’ll be wonderful. But outside of that, I’m perfectly happy. I don’t think people online would remember me, much less my blog or figure photography, but I do it because I love it and for myself, rather than for anyone else.
Yeah, we’re in the same boat. While he was my facebook friend, we didn’t interact as much as true friends would. Though he definitely left an impression with me. Now that he’s gone, I really do wish I spent a little more time to get to know him. And it’s not just because he’s gone that stirs this feeling up, but after looking up his photos, and learning more about him, I believe we would have had a lot to talk about.
IshokuOsero, if there are people in this community that you would like to know better, don’t hesitate. You may regret it later when they’re gone. And that goes for regular life too.
I’m glad you’re happy with your life, and living it the way you want to. That’s definitely the most important thing. Blogging for yourself is great, especially if it’s for personal reasons. 🙂
Wow… This is not a good year… I’ve been hearing and experiencing the loss of many; close, distant and internet closeness. I also wished him a happy birthday, but maybe I should’ve checked his status as well. Wherever he is, I hope he rests in peace and maybe have a talk with… a few of my relatives who passed away this year…
I knew him very briefly, but right away we added each other to friends because we had such similar interests in ecchiness. I’ve always remembered when he asked me what my email was and sent me scans of pages from a Queen’s Blade book and that got me more interested in Queen’s Blade… Throughout the year he sent me a few ecchi pics and I’ve always thank him graciously… Thank you for the fun, Neal!
yeah, I saw your post on his wall the other day too. But at least you were a little more general – it could be interpreted as wishing him well after his passing. I outright asked “Do you have any birthday plans?”.
I don’t think there was any status update of his passing, at least not that I saw.
There have been years for me too where people just pass away, both close and distant. It’s saddening, but it is life… Sorry about your losses.
I’m glad that you were able to share more experiences with Neal than I was. That warms my heart. 🙂
(even if it is ecchi stuff)
May he rest in peace.
lots of thoughts are going through my head reading this, but the topic is so grim for me I don’t even know what to say.
I think more than anything, it’s like I’m going blank. Words won’t come out right. What does collectors and artists become when they pass away, time doesn’t wait, all those things Radiant mentioned are all true and terrifying when really thought about.
Yet somehow keep thinking back to the chapter of Hayate no Gotoku last month where Maria compared life to pennies and how to use those pennies. So many things we read or see hit on this question, it really makes me wonder constantly, what is the meaning of life? Moreso, what’s the meaning of being an artist? Do we draw for ourselves or do we draw to leave a record?
Sometimes, I’m terrified of death. I usually think of it when I’m lying in bed. I could close my eyes, and drift away to a dreamless sleep of nothingness, and wake up the next morning thinking “death is like that – nothingness and complete lack of awareness.” and each time I think that, my heart feels cold. No other thought gives me this same feeling.
The meaning of life cannot be defined. It’s too general. A better question would be “What is important to YOU in life?” and make sure you get it.
So do you draw for yourself or do you draw to leave a record? That’s a question that only you can answer. Any answer I give would only be a judgmental one towards you, if you think about it. We all have our personal reasons to draw, just like we have our personal reasons to live.
Neal was a friend of mine. I never knew about this past time – but i am not surprised. He was an Illustrator – one of the best i have ever seen. His talent was second to none. I used to watch him draw with amazement. He was one of lifes highly creative, and also one of the cleverest men i knew. His passing away upset me more than i ever realised – even thou I hadnt seen him for years as I moved away, and then he moved to the USA – I always stayed in touch thanks to Facebook and he was always there with a witty comment to make me smile. I still have a game of Words with Friends open – and as usual he was whipping my arse with the score. I cant bring myself to resign. Good friends like him are hard to find. He had a great life and was always there for others. I miss him terribly. Thanks for posting this page in rememberance. xxx
A lot of us miss him, I’m sure. Take comfort knowing that, I suppose. I hope that my blog post portrays him well.
Thanks for visiting, and thanks for commenting. It’s good to know more about him from others whose lives he touched.
Losing those dear to you (friend or otherwise) is never an easy thing. I’ve had several situations in the past that were quite similar on internet friends. Though they leave us, our impression of them and memory of them will be with us for the rest of our lives.
Honestly if I had but one last day to live, I honestly have no clue what I’d do. It’s a terrible reality that sometimes hits me hard–especially when such events like these happen. I suppose the reason is because for most of my life I’ve lived quite selflessly–If that could even be a reason. I’m usually most happy when those around me are happy. Hence my dilemma.
In the end, however, what I’d regret most undoubtedly is having never put nearly enough effort into art. I’m sure you’ve had a time in your life where you had to find what would make you the most happy. Both job-wise and otherwise. For me I’ve been struggling with the job part (even now unfortunately).
It’s the whole struggle of both what you ‘need’ to do to survive versus what you’d ‘like’ to actually do. For me the ‘like to do’ has always been artistically driven, but I’m still at a lost as to where to even start. So until I either find that path or the trigger that will activate that storyline in my life I’m pretty much stuck with what I ‘need to do’. It’s kind of a sad situation that’s recently been getting even worse.
While those are my problems that I hope one day will be righted, I sure hope that you have an answer to the question you posed. The ‘what wold you do if you only had one day left to live’ is never an easy one.
Damn, my entire comment has been too depressing, so to lighten it just a tad (not too much out of respect) I can’t really say what exactly others would have to say. But take this to heart–and I hope that it helps you sleep a little easier. Even the slightest fraction would do. No matter what happens, if you suddenly disappeared off the face of the internet (or the worse truly did happen) I’d always remember you.
I’ve only known about you for maybe a year and a half, but you’ve influenced me artistically in ways I had never expected. Ever since one of my semesters in college I had lost the burning fires of desire to draw or do much artistically and ended up simply putting out half-assed work that I only marginally was content with. After talking to you, however, things changed and much for the better. Essentially you, by various means, have helped relight the spark that once died out. For that and your friendship you’ll always have a place in my memory. No matter if I ever meet you in person or simply online you will always be counted as one of my friends.
I hope things’ve been going better for you than they have been for me recently. I keep trying to stand up but keep being struck back down. For some reason everything’s recently been pointing at ultimately the hardest path for me :\. I hope you’re not encountering the same situation.
All the best, and I’ll see you later.
Indeed that is quite a long comment, and while depressing, I share your sentiments.
I was fortunate enough to know right away what I wanted to do, and while there have been things, people, and events that have steered me away, I always come back to it. Some days, I struggle and have my doubts, and my fears try to push me into directions that I know I won’t be happy with, but are more practical. But again, I persevere and come back. Very few people know what they want in life… and even fewer people step out of their comfort zone to pursue it. You only live once. Just take that first step. You never know where you’ll end up anyway. Don’t hope. Take action!!
I’m glad that I was able to influence your life and put you on a track that you want to be on. Don’t give up my friend. While playing Uncharted 3, I saw a phrase that said “Iron sharpens iron as does a friend sharpen a friend.”
For me it’s not so much about hoping that something will happen, but rather that I’ll find what to actually do. I’ve had no real problem with the action part. I’m usually at a lost at what to do next.
I’m most often not one of the lucky ones that somehow automatically know the next step, I have to search for it tirelessly :\.
Know though that I won’t give up, that’s for certain. When I’ve set my mind to a task I usually stay determined until it’s either finished, or I’m the last one remaining to do it.
On another note, that’s a brilliant comparison on the quote. It might be a new favorite :).
Never got to know the person, but yeah, not an easy scenario to deal with. Losing a friend is not easy. I know because I lost at least 3 that I can recall.
You say that you’re flat out scared of death. Wish there’s a way for me to get that fear of you. I’m not afraid of death. What I worry about all the time is that when I pass away, I am afraid that I will hear a “No” response to the question “Did you have a righteous life as a whole?” now.
Glad that you try to get to know your internet friends more. I wish I can do that because I constantly jump from place to place. I don’t see enough of my internet friends personally, especially since I see them more so than my pre-college ones. In fact, of all my pre-college friends, I only see 2 of them regularly and between the 2 of them, I only see 1 of them outside of AIM (seeing that he now lives near San Francisco). That’s it. I know a good amount of my online friends decently, but I don’t think I know enough and unfortunately, I don’t think I know you enough.
I’m probably the best person to get to know overall because I actually give a lot of details regarding myself. I even reveal what my blood type is. Ha ha ha!
Okay. I’ll deal with your questions now. This may be a while.
“If today was the last day of your life, is this how you would like to spend it?”
Of course not.
“If not, then what would you do differently?”
Where do I begin? Thank people more, hopefully trying harder to get rid of my worst habit, yeah, there’s a lot to say really.
“Where would you want to be?”
The point in which I can say, “I lived a righteous life”.
“What’s stopping you from getting there?”
The multiple bad habits I carry, including my worst one.
“How can you overcome those obstacles so that you can get there?”
I wish I can give a definite answer. I have to tinker around. That’s for sure.
I hope I gave the answers you’re looking for?
There is never an easy answer to any of those questions. To answer them is to provide an overwhelming task. What you need to do is tackle each bit at a time, and overall you will make progress. For example, don’t attack ALL of your bad habits at once. Fix one at a time, and start with little by little.
Do not judge yourself “I lived a righteous life” will never come simply because we are our own worst critics. We will feel we can always do better. That’s not the point. The point is to live each day with pleasure and enjoyment. Simply love what you do, or do what you love.
Yeah, I get that. I tinkered with flossing recently and ever since I started with a certain time frame, I succeed half of the time which is very good considering that I hardly flossed as a kid. Yay. (Bad habit indeed. I know.)
I suppose that not only can we not judge people, we can not judge ourselves as well. You are right in regards of living each day with pleasure and enjoyment. That and not taking your blessings for granted. Always be humble.
I need Pocky sticks now.
I used to not floss either. But I found that doing something for 30 days straight turns it into a habit. Now I feel really weird if I don’t floss. ^_^
Thanks for writing. Seems like you summarized my post pretty good too! 😀
(Whoops. The other friend lives near San Francisco.)
I know how it feels to lose someone dear. Though I never got the chance to know Neal I hope he is in a better place now. Indeed he had the talent and creativity to come up with those photos that you showed. It seems he really had a great time taking those wonderful images.
I’m not sure how to think about death actually. But what I do know is I’d like to spend more time with my family and make them feel special and loved. Time won’t stand still and wait for you, you’re right about that. We just have to make sure we use it wisely and choose well whom we should spend it with.
Sorry this has brought up some emotions for you too, Xine…
Life is short, and death is everyone’s fate. One thing it does teach you, is to spend quality time together. Your last point makes me ponder hard about the things I do in life. Thanks for writing, Xine.
R.I.P . This a really a sad news about Neal. I knew him for a while but when I came across this news I was totally shocked. He was such a great photographer and an avid Otaku. Do you’ve any link to his MAL? Watching his list might inspire me. Thanks.
Also to mention about death. Whenever I think about this it gives me goosebumps. I tend to think alot about this. About death, when we’ll die what will happen? To our hobby, our collection, our passion, our remembrance as an otaku. When I think about people facing deaths it just gives me a sad feeling about what will happen to their preserved treasures, their collection. This is so uncertain isn’t it? The collection of a particular person for what he’s known for should be given in safe hands in-order to preserve his memories. Sometimes I think I shouldn’t collect this much as in people who don’t understand the value of a particular thing will dislike. Hence, there should be a close friend or a person who will preserve the treasure collected by person.