No, I’m still here. But the frustration is killing me, like a ghost staring at his own corpse. It’s emo time…
I’ve been trying to get something posted, but it just isn’t happening. Constantly, it’s just one thing after another. This is so unlike me. You’d think I was some sort of flake or something when you look back at every other post being “oh sorry I’ve gotta take a hiatus.” or something.
Some of you might be thinking “Maybe blogging isn’t Radiant’s thing anymore. Maybe he’d rather read a book or play Chaos Rings on his iPhone.”
And you know, I have thought about that myself, but to me, that just sounds like the lazy way out – to commit blog suicide. That’s not like me. I’ve still yet to play video games at all, really. Remember when I mentioned Nostalgia? I haven’t touched it since my last post about it. Remember when I posted about Sakura Wars V? I’m only 2hrs in.
The problem isn’t so much that I don’t want to blog, it’s that I can’t blog. This sort of thing probably doesn’t happen very much in the blogging world where one so desperately wants to write down his thoughts and share it with the world, but is muffled by an invisible hand with some sort of sedative on a handkerchief. “NOooOo! Nooo…. noo….” as I am dragged away slowly into the night.
You remember the handful of posts I’ve written in the past little while about the things that I plan to talk about on radiantdreamer? Some of those are still sitting in my drafts, while some remain unwritten. It’s been seven whole months, and I still haven’t posted my final Singapore post for crying out loud!
Every time I’m able to surface from the water, I’m floundering, gasping for air as I make a blog post. I feel like I’ve betrayed my readers. My posts feel half-baked to me. And then I go under again.
I pull my hair out as I feel like I need a break – not from blogging, but from life. Damn it would be good to blog again. That’s my break. That’s my freedom.
So why am I writing today? Perhaps it’s my desperate clawing on the ground to get back as I’m being dragged off-stage forcefully because there are other “more important things to do”. Perhaps this is my break. Or perhaps because my grandmother passed away and I feel like I need to write something, anything to get out there, and maybe even beg for some sympathy while I’m at it.
This represents my pain and suffering. My emotions are painted in here, in 15 minutes.
Read more!
Hey, man, we’ll still be here, whether you update regularly a lot, waiting as long as you need.
I hope you get a break.
And I give you my sympathies for your loss.
Thanks for the support, Mefloraine. It’s always great to hear these kind words from you. You’ve been sticking it through with me for a while now, (I mean, you pretty much started commenting at about the time my life became difficult) so I really do appreciate it. 🙂
I actually found out that you might be alive online because I got a message from tsuki-board about a Nendoroid Nagato Yuki sale and it just so happens you were the one who posted the sale. o.o; I didn’t expect this kind of post to turn up when I decided to drop by though.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Mefloraine already said it, but, we’ll just be around and it doesn’t matter if you post regularly or not. I do hope you’ll be able to feel better soon :c
Right, my Yuki sale. I don’t know why, but it was rather impulsive to list her at the moment. And for $80USD. I don’t think anyone would be willing to buy her for that price, despite the high-price for her on ebay.
Sorry if the post brought you down a bit. I guess on that day I really needed to just let it out of my system. Now that I read the entry again, it sounds pretty depressing. Hopefully that sort of thing won’t happen again.
Thanks for the support Ninjovee. Friends like you really do make it worth it to blog. 🙂
Yes like mefloraine said, we will all still be around, I had this ups and downs before with blogging, im still in the middle of posting my holidays posts in which was already 1 months ago,, but i guess its un comparable to 7 =/
Always Focus on writing what you are passionate about and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. Dont focus on pageviews – focus on content and the rest will follow. mind you coming from me who had lots of criticism cause of my layout change or even post might not be the best person to listen too =/
Anyway get better and hopefully youll regain that passion!
Thanks Fabrice. I guess then you don’t feel so bad about your 1-month ago holiday backlog. 🙂
In my own defense (heh), I figured that there were other more important posts to do than finish off the Singapore trip post… and then it just kept getting pushed further and further where it became somewhat moot. But yeah, the delays have taken a toll on the blog, I have to say.
You’re absolutely right about passionate posting. There’s no point in posting if you’re not giving it your best, which is probably why I’ve been posting so less frequently the past little while. You give good advice. 🙂
I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother. I really hope that you and your family are doing okay, losing someone is never easy.
As for blogging, yours is a blog that I check whether you’re updating regularly or not. I like your content, and you’ve always seemed like a nice guy. Of course that also means I’d love to see more regular posts, but what I’m getting at is that I think this blog – whether updated regularly or not – is worth reading.
Keep blogging for yourself, and try not to let life get you down. That’s easier said than done, I know… but I think it’s also better said than unsaid.
Hey Steve,
It’s gotten better now. The service took place last week, and it seems that the family is recovering a little better now. Most of the stress and despair has subsided (but not to the point of forgotten).
You know, hearing that from you actually does mean a lot to me. The fact that you still come back to read my older posts even when there haven’t been updates really warms my heart. I mean it! I’m very glad that I’m able to provide content that is worth reading. That’s all I really want to do anyway. 🙂
I will definitely keep blogging, for myself. Blogging about stuff I like, and sharing it with others is what I truly enjoy. Thanks, Steve!
Im still here too, i check pretty much on a daily basis to see what youre up to and if you post and to echo Fabrice as well “Always Focus on writing what you are passionate about and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise”
That is an amazing artwork as well and can understand such a loss myself, for now thought just take it easy dont force out posts and you’ll be back in the swing of things in no time!
Hey Taketombo! Thanks for checking out my blog. Wow, I didn’t know that you looked at my blog daily! That’s really cool and dedicated of you to do so. I definitely won’t take that lightly, and will continue to do my best. 🙂
Thanks about the artwork. As I look at it now, I can feel and see the pain I was going through at that moment in time. It’s really weird and surreal looking at it…
Thanks for the encouragement!
I think you need a holiday. I don’t know your exact situation so I don’t know if it’ll help, but taking a day to just relax usually charges me up for a week in which I can get pretty much everything done.
Hey Nopy,
Yeah. I need a holiday. That’s true. I probably will take a day off from doing ANYTHING and just relax for a bit…
Blogging is a good way to escape the world around you but the real world will find its way back to you. I know how it feels, you just want to do it but are too busy or something comes up and you just can’t do it. We’ll still be here waiting for your next post and support you for doing other things that have more priority to them. You will eventually have time for things you want to do after the things you need to do.
AS, that is indeed reality. And yes, you know exactly how I feel. The way you put it rings true to my ears. Hopefully, I’ll be able to make more time to do what I want to do.
It’s good that you update your readers, but don’t be too hard on yourself. Life gets the best of us and the internet won’t go away for a while. We can wait. That’s what RSS feeds are for.
Sometimes it’s just good to take some time off and take a break, go on vacation for a few days, etc.
Also my condolences for your loss, I never really know what to say when these things happen.
Hey pyauki, thanks for the continued support dude. That is indeed what RSS feeds are for!
I probably will be taking the rest of today off to play some Sakura Wars. I desperately need to take a breather. The stress has definitely gotten to me over the past little while, and I’m pretty wound up. It’s time to let that stress out.
Take a break or stop blogging altogether if you want to. Having a blog shouldn’t feel like having another chore to do. Life is stressful enough without someone allowing their lack of blog updates getting to them as well. I used to play WoW pretty hardcore, and after years of playing night after it dawned on me…I wasn’t having any fun. It became an obligation for me. From then on I learned that I should treat myself better with my free time, that’s the attitude I take with my blog too. My blog exists for my own pleasure, and I won’t ever put myself in a situation where I think I HAVE to post something.
Thanks lovelyduckie. I totally know what you mean. Fortunately, blogging isn’t a chore for me. It’s a passion. I really do love blogging, and want to blog as much as possible. It’s life’s other things that keep pulling me away. But you’re right, I shouldn’t let it stress me out if I am unable to blog at the time.
Your WoW anecdote is interesting – it actually reminds me of my gaming behaviors sometimes too – where I’m playing a game for the sake of playing it, like I’m obligated to beat the game because I paid for it. And then I’m not having any fun anymore. I’ve sort of realized that now, and when it’s a game I no longer enjoy, I simply stop and write it off now. It’s so much easier on the backlog, and has increased my enjoyment.