No, I’m still here. But the frustration is killing me, like a ghost staring at his own corpse. It’s emo time…
I’ve been trying to get something posted, but it just isn’t happening. Constantly, it’s just one thing after another. This is so unlike me. You’d think I was some sort of flake or something when you look back at every other post being “oh sorry I’ve gotta take a hiatus.” or something.
Some of you might be thinking “Maybe blogging isn’t Radiant’s thing anymore. Maybe he’d rather read a book or play Chaos Rings on his iPhone.”
And you know, I have thought about that myself, but to me, that just sounds like the lazy way out – to commit blog suicide. That’s not like me. I’ve still yet to play video games at all, really. Remember when I mentioned Nostalgia? I haven’t touched it since my last post about it. Remember when I posted about Sakura Wars V? I’m only 2hrs in.
The problem isn’t so much that I don’t want to blog, it’s that I can’t blog. This sort of thing probably doesn’t happen very much in the blogging world where one so desperately wants to write down his thoughts and share it with the world, but is muffled by an invisible hand with some sort of sedative on a handkerchief. “NOooOo! Nooo…. noo….” as I am dragged away slowly into the night.
You remember the handful of posts I’ve written in the past little while about the things that I plan to talk about on radiantdreamer? Some of those are still sitting in my drafts, while some remain unwritten. It’s been seven whole months, and I still haven’t posted my final Singapore post for crying out loud!
Every time I’m able to surface from the water, I’m floundering, gasping for air as I make a blog post. I feel like I’ve betrayed my readers. My posts feel half-baked to me. And then I go under again.
I pull my hair out as I feel like I need a break – not from blogging, but from life. Damn it would be good to blog again. That’s my break. That’s my freedom.
So why am I writing today? Perhaps it’s my desperate clawing on the ground to get back as I’m being dragged off-stage forcefully because there are other “more important things to do”. Perhaps this is my break. Or perhaps because my grandmother passed away and I feel like I need to write something, anything to get out there, and maybe even beg for some sympathy while I’m at it.
This represents my pain and suffering. My emotions are painted in here, in 15 minutes.